I am inspired to write about just a touch of real Christmas Magic to my penultimate blog for 2009.
As I began winding up all my Internet stuff so I can concentrate on work and the travel ahead... I re-read 'When your homeless at Christmas' my November blog.I don't regret posting my online diary of those sad events. My landlord was a nasty piece of work, a real wolf in sheep's clothing and in my Mothers immortal words 'Obviously not a gentleman!'.
Keep reading dear reader...there is after all a little bit of Christmas Magic in the world !!!
I spent November 28th feeling desperately unhappy, terribly hurt and bewildered. My 'so nice; landlord was no longer someone I recognised, instead I had been removed without a moments consideration and without so much as a micro amount of care.
I returned from the shops to find my landlord in my home already, with a kitchen hand with him...talk about feeling threatened. demands and e mails followed making it clear he wanted me out..out...out then phone calls to the BF...oh this millionaire man was so brave...rattling his threats from a safe distance. Nasty, insidious, cruel.
The man whom I had painted a portrait of his son freely because the child is a beautiful boy, the person I had created a garden for of my own free will, because i could see he was struggling and I had the time. The man I had laughed and joked with, the person who sat in my home pouring his heart out over his girlfriend , his lifestyle, his problems with staff...no longer existed. The person I had written to Cadw in support of no longer was real;Instead 'Hidden Agenda Man' had taken his place.
Nearly at the miracles bit...honest :)
That sad day I lost someone from my life whom I had admired for his hard work and his kindness to his staff and discovered the real person and it wasn't nice. I looked bleakly ahead at a Christmas, that may well be my very last Christmas in this life time and it wouldn't be what I had hoped it would be. I would not be leaving this life with memories for my family to treasure, instead I would be homeless, living in my daughters sitting room, a burden to my family and nothing but sad thoughts and bitterness as my companion and I railed against it. I was hurt and slowly, very , very slowly I began to get angry.
I had cried myself into a fitful half sleep. Trying to hide my emotions from the old BF who is such a gentle soul . My eyes where red rimmed, my heart ached. My head pounded with my blood pressure through the roof. I took my pain killers and waited for the mini euphoria that accompanies them, (morphine and morphine substitutes have that effect) hoping they would help calm the raging emotions inside me. On and on the circle of thoughts screamed round my head.
I decided to look into my e mails, a distraction to the days bewildering fears and there was one from another landlord. I answered it in the negative, I would not be able to pen my Gallery: explaining my new situation in terse comment. Suddenly a phone call, questions and an outraged local landlord who couldn't believe what he was hearing.
My Knight in Shining Armour was on his way.
I absolutely LOVE writing this bit :_
This man has been much maligned by local gossip. A man few actually speak with. I had met and spoken to him, he was hard line legal..everything by the book...but he did have compassion. He didn't like to think of a disabled and weary woman , homeless at such a time of year.
Couldn't believe the legal implications of it all, the fact that my ex landlord would not give me my deposit back...all £500 of it. He the millionaire would not be a gentleman, would not be anything but this man, THIS man ;this Knight, made sure I had rights and made sure I was safe:-
He took his house off the sale market and made it my home for 6 months to give me time to breathe, to sort things out.
On the 1st of December I signed a new lease, a binding legal agreement. I was handed a receipt and a rent book and a key and told...move in now...be safe. It took me four days to move my things, four days of carrying, lifting and shouldering bags and boxes. Never where 4 days so filled with stress and hope in equal amounts. I scrubbed and rubbed and cleaned the old place and did the same at my new home and on the 4th of December I slept in my bed in a new home and it was wonderful.
I had dreaded this move in so many ways and for so many reasons. I loved my flat, I loved the view and the state of the art kitchen..here i had a different type of home and then I stood and looked out of the kitchen window.
Now for even more and yes I mean LOTS more Miracles :-
The picture at the top of this blog is the scene I look at every day. If you go on Flikr you will see some more images of my kitchen window views. the Castle and the sea and the Lleyn and the Snowdonia range of mountains, the Valley and the Village...all before me. All free to look at and so very beautiful.
Drawbacks ? well it costs a lot to heat big rooms and big hallways, its difficult to go to sleep early if the pubs are letting out because of course people are enjoying themselves..but its alive and honest and open and enjoyable and...I love it!
Then my Mum got in on the act...'cost a lot moving Sue , am sending you a little present' and the next day an envelope full of money, enough to fill the car with petrol...I am going to go home and see my family after all.
Then another telephone call......more work, a small contract I can fulfill in the week which will pay the rent for the new home for January..
Then another phonecall, my son has flown over from France afterall...he's a happy man, he has brought his lady to meet me. Thats a first in his long romantic career !
Then another phonecall, my youngest son, ex soldier, suffering from PTD has found a new career...he is training as a Nurse, finally moving back into the medical world where he had served honourably in his army unit before injury had him re-assigned.
Then another phonecall, my daughter had lost a great deal of finance with no hopes of it being returned.....every penny was back in her purse. She would have a proper Christmas too..last heard of SHOPPING !
Finally to this weird and magical week a beautiful letter, a picture of three of my grand daughters and news...wonderful news. My little grand daughter Katy Ann had been rushed into hospital so many times this year, had been so poorly and here was the report...2 yr old assessment...9 MONTHS in advance for her age in reading and speech and such wonderful wonderful news..Katy Ann is back on track. GREAT !
Then finally another moment to add to this great package of Christmas goodies.......my little dog doesn't have to live with my Bf instead they are both coming to live with me.
Now THAT'S a Happy Christmas
Merry Christmas to you all, may the good Christmas Spirit visit you and bring you as many Christmas Miracles as I have been fortunate enough to receive this amazing year.
Love and best wishes SusaninHarlech
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Christmas, Solstice and Time
Christmas is nearly here, the new Year approaches and everyone is geared up to celebrate, or be miserable as their world demands.
2009 will no doubt go down in my memory as one of the most difficult, challenging and amazing years in my entire life ! I have moved home twice, been mentally and physically challenged with my health, met some amazing people and above all...I learned to be true to my own ethics and principles.
As a practising Shaman-Ka I live my life with the hopes of being in tune with our Mother Earth, the people I 'rub shoulders with', the animal life around me and in general try to keep a peaceful lifestyle amongst the noise and bustle of this busy world.
Living in Harlech has been a singularly wonderful experience. The small village itself is pretty and can display the most amazing amount of human emotions . i 've witnessed real passion for the heritage of this place from The Castle Harlech to the tiniest of cottages, I've been privileged to see true patriotism and equally so I have witnessed the massive change in society as a whole as young people went on a drunken rampage around the village with no thought or care for the many elderly and infirm who live here.
Equally so the challenge to my own health has caused a great deal of introspection and my thoughts have wobbled around fears and strengths until I simply accepted that I have to wait and in doing so have come to accept that if the doctors tell me I am on my way to the next realm...then I hope I manage to leave with some dignity and if the doctors say differently I am determined I will live my life to the fullest I can manage.........because I have discovered there is so much I have yet to do, yet to take on board.
In particular as the Christmas period approaches I am aware that I have not had contact with my grandchildren this year , as much as I would wish. I have missed Katy Ann and Leah's first steps, first words and first moments of Independence, something I regret deeply. I was not around to see my eldest grandchild go to her first prom night and didn't see the excitement on Bex's face as she visited Euro Disney for the first time and I do genuinely regret that too.
these are special moments I will never be able to witness again in some 'catch up' style, I didn't have the opportunity or so I thought..............but I could have done. I should have made the time..it is easy to let time become a mortal enemy.
As human beings we invented time to mark our days energies. We created clocks and calenders to make it easier to keep track of events and situations, needs and wants but we allowed time to master us and now we have lost the 'time out' that is so important to our balance. We get pushed and shoved by times need for us to keep up and to me, as I approach my middle age I can almost feel time slipping by. Wasting itself in simply passing. Not filling each minute with glorious memory but emptying my own time bank to replace it with vain regrets, might have beens, wish I hads' and moments of blankness as boredom sets in.
How can I be bored !!!! time is slipping away, I live on the coast with a glorious beach, a huge old castle, wild woodlands and forests, fields and houses that reach back into antiquity, museums and craft halls, so many wonders......and I sit at a computer typing..because I am bored...how wasteful, how very stupid...wasting times gift.
Christmas is a simple affair, a day of celebrating the birth of Christ into the world...what do humans do? spend a few hours in thankfulness ? go to Church ? pray their gratitude...erm no.......get drunk, get in debt, get into trouble, get stuffed with food, make a great fuss about presents and cost and eat far too much or drink far too much, but actually pray...no.
Christmas is also the Solstice for winter a time of looking at the past, accepting it and balancing the events remembered and celebrating the great spiral of life and welcoming the Lord of the Hunts power, the male energies and the seemingly endless cycles of the seasons. How many People of a pagan persuasion will find a hill top, a circle of stone, spend a few bitterly cold hours saying thank you in the style of their religion...precious few. A ritual in the home, with lots of drink,. lots of food and the central heating is what will happen the world over for both celebrations.
Many ceremonies are similar. The origins of the celebration all seem to be about simplicity and sharing and giving selflessly and being thankful...but time has passed. People no longer value the same things or are aware in the same ways as in the past and modern celebrations are not about giving and sharing so much as who gave to whom, how much was spent. getting the same as everyone else, being up in the list as a top party giver a great host or hostess, who was remembered on the card list and who was struck off. Your popularity marked by the amount of Christmas cards you're sent or the size of the office present you get.Even the kiddies at school are in on the act, the present bought for teacher, did you buy the headmaster or mistress a present , was your child in the school nativity and so on. It all starts so early in life so that the grabbing and selfish lifestyle has the time to develop fully for when your grown up.
So I began to write what i thought would be a Christmas message and ended on a rant...par for the course. My time this year seems to have had a lot of ranting in it. I ranted for ages about our army, navy and raf guys n gals being supported properly. I had a good old rant about Sam Hain and so on , I seem to have spent a lot of time doing little pieces for my blogs and building my websites which in a way are part of my immortality...and then there is this time right now.
What can I say that will be memorable, honest and truthful. What can i possibly say about Christmas and the Solstice that is apt and profound..I really want to say the right thing, so that in time...you will all remember my words and in so doing, remember me too.
I wish you the equal of the joys and happiness's I have experienced and none of the fears, pains or hurts. May your God and you become good friends , I wish you well.
Merry Christmas
Solstice Greetings
Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again.
May Light always find you in your darkest of hours.
2009 will no doubt go down in my memory as one of the most difficult, challenging and amazing years in my entire life ! I have moved home twice, been mentally and physically challenged with my health, met some amazing people and above all...I learned to be true to my own ethics and principles.
As a practising Shaman-Ka I live my life with the hopes of being in tune with our Mother Earth, the people I 'rub shoulders with', the animal life around me and in general try to keep a peaceful lifestyle amongst the noise and bustle of this busy world.
Living in Harlech has been a singularly wonderful experience. The small village itself is pretty and can display the most amazing amount of human emotions . i 've witnessed real passion for the heritage of this place from The Castle Harlech to the tiniest of cottages, I've been privileged to see true patriotism and equally so I have witnessed the massive change in society as a whole as young people went on a drunken rampage around the village with no thought or care for the many elderly and infirm who live here.
Equally so the challenge to my own health has caused a great deal of introspection and my thoughts have wobbled around fears and strengths until I simply accepted that I have to wait and in doing so have come to accept that if the doctors tell me I am on my way to the next realm...then I hope I manage to leave with some dignity and if the doctors say differently I am determined I will live my life to the fullest I can manage.........because I have discovered there is so much I have yet to do, yet to take on board.
In particular as the Christmas period approaches I am aware that I have not had contact with my grandchildren this year , as much as I would wish. I have missed Katy Ann and Leah's first steps, first words and first moments of Independence, something I regret deeply. I was not around to see my eldest grandchild go to her first prom night and didn't see the excitement on Bex's face as she visited Euro Disney for the first time and I do genuinely regret that too.
these are special moments I will never be able to witness again in some 'catch up' style, I didn't have the opportunity or so I thought..............but I could have done. I should have made the time..it is easy to let time become a mortal enemy.
As human beings we invented time to mark our days energies. We created clocks and calenders to make it easier to keep track of events and situations, needs and wants but we allowed time to master us and now we have lost the 'time out' that is so important to our balance. We get pushed and shoved by times need for us to keep up and to me, as I approach my middle age I can almost feel time slipping by. Wasting itself in simply passing. Not filling each minute with glorious memory but emptying my own time bank to replace it with vain regrets, might have beens, wish I hads' and moments of blankness as boredom sets in.
How can I be bored !!!! time is slipping away, I live on the coast with a glorious beach, a huge old castle, wild woodlands and forests, fields and houses that reach back into antiquity, museums and craft halls, so many wonders......and I sit at a computer typing..because I am bored...how wasteful, how very stupid...wasting times gift.
Christmas is a simple affair, a day of celebrating the birth of Christ into the world...what do humans do? spend a few hours in thankfulness ? go to Church ? pray their gratitude...erm no.......get drunk, get in debt, get into trouble, get stuffed with food, make a great fuss about presents and cost and eat far too much or drink far too much, but actually pray...no.
Christmas is also the Solstice for winter a time of looking at the past, accepting it and balancing the events remembered and celebrating the great spiral of life and welcoming the Lord of the Hunts power, the male energies and the seemingly endless cycles of the seasons. How many People of a pagan persuasion will find a hill top, a circle of stone, spend a few bitterly cold hours saying thank you in the style of their religion...precious few. A ritual in the home, with lots of drink,. lots of food and the central heating is what will happen the world over for both celebrations.
Many ceremonies are similar. The origins of the celebration all seem to be about simplicity and sharing and giving selflessly and being thankful...but time has passed. People no longer value the same things or are aware in the same ways as in the past and modern celebrations are not about giving and sharing so much as who gave to whom, how much was spent. getting the same as everyone else, being up in the list as a top party giver a great host or hostess, who was remembered on the card list and who was struck off. Your popularity marked by the amount of Christmas cards you're sent or the size of the office present you get.Even the kiddies at school are in on the act, the present bought for teacher, did you buy the headmaster or mistress a present , was your child in the school nativity and so on. It all starts so early in life so that the grabbing and selfish lifestyle has the time to develop fully for when your grown up.
So I began to write what i thought would be a Christmas message and ended on a rant...par for the course. My time this year seems to have had a lot of ranting in it. I ranted for ages about our army, navy and raf guys n gals being supported properly. I had a good old rant about Sam Hain and so on , I seem to have spent a lot of time doing little pieces for my blogs and building my websites which in a way are part of my immortality...and then there is this time right now.
What can I say that will be memorable, honest and truthful. What can i possibly say about Christmas and the Solstice that is apt and profound..I really want to say the right thing, so that in time...you will all remember my words and in so doing, remember me too.
I wish you the equal of the joys and happiness's I have experienced and none of the fears, pains or hurts. May your God and you become good friends , I wish you well.
Merry Christmas
Solstice Greetings
Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again.
May Light always find you in your darkest of hours.
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