For my Sisters

You all know who you are, my Sisters. Women who have come to understand that as a
Daughter.Sister,Wife, Mother,Friend,Cook, Gardeners, Lover and so much more..'you are more than the sum of your parts'. I will always love Erica Jong for her poem on that very subject.

Love has treated us in so many differing ways yet we share a common bond. We have been used, abused, taken advantage of, hurt and sometimes left to feel rejected, shamed,afraid and lost.

Life has gifted us each other. We have struggled with our commonality, shared our pains and our fears. Sought help from and support from each other and we have won.

Oh not the entire war, but we are still here, still fighting and still managing to keep our heads above water. We still have days when life seems so unfair, so scary when we look at the whole of it. We learn to be equal to the time, the moment and not the whole hour or day of challenge. Each little moment we manage to survive that little bit longer is not only survival it is a triumph.

The triumph of not giving in, not dying in some strange pact between the Gods by whatever name and yourselves...The Triumph of one more day where the simple things in life fill you with joy. A sunset, A childs laugh, a cats purr bringing acceptance that you might not 'win' the whole war but you can have a ceasfire on your emotions just for that little moment.

I have strayed at times from this winning style. Spent moments of despair so black, so dark with bitter hurts. Yet each time I have entered that pathway there has been something I could catch to lift me away. A remembered memory of joyful times, a telephone call 'out of the blue' and above all my Sisters. Women who like myself have survived so much.

In our pasts we have felt the brutality of a fist, a financial crushing blow, a homeless time, a physical dependancy , a time when our safety was hinged on what colour of the rainbow to be for our then partner or parent. We learned then and share now our combined strengths.

Between us we have so much to be grateful for, so much to be happy about. We are alive, we are surviving and we will learn from the mistakes we can acknowledge. Each time we do one or all of these positives, each time we share with each other support, friendship, consideration and care...we become stronger.

The strength we can lend out to others, sentances of commiseration, sometimes of righteous indignation and occasionally of outright defence are all tools of our ongoing fight.

When we can say to another woman...stop right there...listen to the truth and we share, we state our own battle, we give of our own lesson and we defend with a simple cup of coffee, a shoulder to cry on a moments sympathy and empathy...we become stronger.

When you walk out of your door and as you pass a scene being enacted you find the strength to say 'stop' 'what are you doing' call the police or intervene in someway when perhaps in the past you would turn your head and walk away, guilty by cowardice.

When you face your own fears of public humiliation and scream for help.

When you take the overcoat of the shame made for you by another and hand it back....you are being responsible for your own actions and not theirs...you have become strong.

That is the strength we Sisters of Survival have to share. That we can and do survive, that we become victors of that survival, no longer simply going through the motions but LIVING.

The day you feel you can love again, this time acknowledging your right to be treated as an equal. That you can and will say your truth in complete acceptance that freedom of speech is also part of your new you. That true freedom stems from inside you when you accept you have the same rights as everyone else...then truly you have survived and become a victor. Being able to love, knowing you will be treated well, and be an equal in that relationship....this then is one of our goals.

Sadly there are those of my Sisters who feel unable to love again, their freedom to do so damaged by the treatment of their previous partner. By an incident that has ripped away their right to peaceful sleep, confidence in themselves, belief in a future. To those of my Sisters in that path...stand still awhile. Let us be their for you. Let us lead the way towards your own freedom from the wretched chains of humiliating and debilitating memories. Become , as we have, victorious over your past and step towards a new day, a new way.

Those of us who are victorious, those of us who have become our true selves have been equal to the sum of our day only. Not of our life. We take each day and begin with that first breath of wakefulness to absorb the joy of the day. Anticipating nothing but life, enjoying the feelings of our freedom to be us. To be true to our own selfs will.

Living with lies, loving in fear, existing in terror of what might be the end of the days journey is no longer part of our world. We no longer sleep beneath a blanket of constant awareness of our vulnerability. We are aware of our weaknesses and gaurd against them with care but never obssesively...that way lies a different kind of prison.

Wether the prison we live in is made of physical abuse, emotional abuse or financial domination, our choices to walk away, to become stronger within ourselves and walk on into our own choice of path has made us not only survivors or success survivors or victors. Its first gift is freedom as an individual, its second gift is to live not exist and its third gift is to be true to the self. That choice has finally made us alive again.

Somewhere out there ! are women still struggling, still dominated, abused, hurt. Some of us still publish little comments or the occasional outburst against a particular act. This week alone I commended Lloyd who when awarded £10,000 for being a witness to a violent rape, promptly passed the money to the victim , not a rich man himself his comment was he felt he personally didn't deserve a reward for being a samaritan. Equally I published a link to a programme currently being made against so called Honour Killings in the UK. Young women forced into marriage, murdered for wanting the freedom to choose their own way.

Today I wanted to write to you, my Heart Sisters. I want to thank you, each and every one of you. I may never meet someof you. I may never hear from you or be acknowledged by you. Yet you inspire me. Those of you who held out your hand when I felt like dying. Those of you who drove madly through the night to come to my rescue. Those of you who listened for hours and hours as I dragged my weary mind through the hows,whys and wherefores. Those of you who fed me, clothed me, stood by my side. To my Blood Sister who wrote a cheque and said so simply 'eat' ; All of you...thankyou.

Today I stood on my little balcony, I watched a smooth and glistening sea curling its gentle waves to a pristine beach. I smelled the beautiful salty air with its fresh clean tang of Autumn. I watched a little bird feeding. I saw a Dolphin swim its joyful, leaping way across the bay. I opened my eyes to the soft pink and grey clouds as the suns rays pierced them here and there. I looked at the walls of Castle Harlech and observed from the towers the flight of hundreds of Jackdaws. I stood in awe and waited as the Dragons Breathe cleared from Snowdons summit and the range appeared from beneath a velvet veil of mists in all its beauty. I saw , smelled, felt my world, alive and joyous and knew the peace of having the freedom to enjoy, revel in being alive. A factual aspect I may never have experienced without you my Sisters.

My Sisters are all walking their own paths, each step forwards a glorious victory, a wonderful statement of intent and of positivity. Every single step you make is purely for yourself. Yet we, your Sisters will applaud and encourage and see your success as another small step in the evolution of our truth, our way.

Sisters of Triumph.

Thankyou for being exactly who you are.