Celebrating Christmas in January; meeting my family and friends a month after the rest of the world was pretty strange, totally enjoyable and a fantastic beginning to the New Year.
Thanks to the December Dramas' I couldn't have my family visit me and I couldn't get to them. When it wasn't lack of finance the damned snow managed to block roads between here and Merseyside and it became a miserable time for us all.
I would telephone and say hi, chat on Face Book, Twitter and actually write real live letters! but it wasn't the same as actually being 'there'....never the less it was a time of connections and communication and between us all we got pretty soppy about telling each other we loved each other, saying trite little comments like 'never mind' and a wish list for a Four by Four evolved.
Finally the snow melted and I returned to my Mothers home with a small bag of presents to say a belated Christmas Day hello! It felt strange to say the least but it was pretty amazing. I have never been so spoiled in my entire life. Presents mounted up by the bag-full literally and I began to wonder if my car would be able to fit everything in. I felt totally, thoroughly spoiled and that too was an amazing moment.
My friends and family made special efforts to get to see me, those who couldn't sent messages and between everyone we had unchristmas meals, unchristmas celebrations and a good time was had by all.
Any down moments ?......................not a one.
No drunken silliness, everyone was out to make sure I enjoyed being 'back with the gang'. No family arguments....everyone wanted to be happy. Absolutely not a negative time at all. Topped off with some SERIOUS SHOPPING . I even managed to stop off at my favourite shopping centre Abakahn in Tryfannon (Holywell) for a glorious 5 hour shopping fest........truly I have enjoyed my time with everyone, the moments mounted into a joyous bouquet of smiles and memories I shall treasure for a long time.
Would I like Christmas in January again.....absolutely not.
This start to my New Year was blessed and special and wonderful but the upset and emotional hurt at not being with my family Christmas Day itself was rather painful to say the least. I felt cut off, lonely in a way I can't actually describe very well.
On the day itself I spared a thought for the true reason of Christmas but the rest of the day I sat on my own, in a house barely furnished, with no companion, no little dog, not a single person to talk to and worked. That was it. I didn't have so much as a glass of wine because I couldn't afford one.
I watched people scurrying up and down the High street, going to family and friends, to church and to the local pub and all hell bent on enjoying themselves and i couldn't be part of it. I didn't know anyone I could just land myself on for a Christmas Chat, I couldn't go and sit in a pub on my own apart from not having enough money to buy a drink and I couldn't celebrate a service in church because I didn't know a soul going there and didn't want to sit at the back being stared at by strangers...so I sat at the window and watched the world go by. It was a lonely and unforgiving day.
I telephoned my Mum and made my voice bright and chatted about inconsequential things, kept a smile in my voice as I heard my grandchildrens' excited chatter, heard my son home from France laughing and joking with my sister, imagined them all sat round the table, festive hats and crackers and the tree and the pretty lights...and kept the choke out of my voice...because it was getting harder to swallow, harder to stay 'bright' and sending them all my love I put the phone down carefully and cried like a big kid.
I lost my Christmas because of someone elses actions, I won't allow it to happen again. I lost that special time and it hurt and when I finally went home and had my union with my family they did their best to make things happy and nice but the tree had long since gone, there where no carols in the back ground, no pretty lights or glittery decorations and no one was in a festive mood because the festivity was over. The presents had been put away, I didn't see anyone opening exciting looking parcels. the presents I gave where poor and insubstantial in the wake of boxes and bags and I mean literally bags of presents given to me because people had added to my original gifts with January sales stuff...because they could, because they wanted to spoil me, make up for what I had missed.
So Christmas in January is not to be recommended. Meeting everyone yes, that is wonderful but Christmas ? nope it isn't the same. I shall be making Herculean efforts to be home with my family next year and I have begun already....I am making every single present this time, stuff to take my time with, use my creativity and I shall enjoy every moment of that creative process....They won't know what hit them...I am going to have Christmas...on Christmas day.
What the experience itself showed me was the times to come, when i am so old travel will be out of the question, when I may have my family scattered all over the world.Time spreads families thin, who knows what is in store, where my grandchildren will eventually live. Maybe by then technology will have not just Skype so we can wave to each other over the ether, maybe homes will have conference type facilities so we can all link up visually in a multi layered evolvement of telephone and video and we will all sit in our own homes and chat to each other that way...but Christmas as it is suppose to be, as we imagine it should be, all together and sharing ;is becoming a thing of the past as the world itself shrinks and we live in different countries and different time zones.
Added to that I took a strange comfort on Christmas Day itself. I live in a small village, that means knowing how many people where in the same situation as myself. So many single men and women, so many old and lonely people all shut up in their own homes, no one to talk to, nothing to do but open a single self bought special present. To eat a lonely meal and watch through windows the world going by. I took comfort in the fact I wasn't the only one in that situation...but I will strive to enjoy Family Christmases in future for as long as I can.
Memories of times gone past, memories and thoughts become very specific at moments like these, so i shall ...come hell or high water, snow, rain, hail or shine, rich or poor.....be with my family next Christmas !
