Adventures of the Night

Stars blazed like so many diamonds scattered in careless array across a deep blue velvet sky. I lay in my bed and my breathe almost halted as the sheer beauty of the night sky filled my eyes. Only once before have I seen such a vision.

Many years ago, in a mental torment I sat in my friend Julie and Russ's living room. Restless and unsettled Russ suddenly asked me what was wrong. I smiled and simply said I was in the wrong place. With a perception and insight I had never known he possessed, this man who spent half his life up to his eyes in leather/bike/oil , leaned forwards and threw fifty pounds in my lap.
" Go to your mountain Sue" and I did.

I filled my rattle trap cars hungry petrol tank and bought a few mini staple foods , a couple of drinks and made sure I had my big duvet on the back seat and not in the boot (long story , one day I will tell it :) ) and began to drive. I was going to Castle Rigg stone circle. I drove the 100 miles or so to 'my mountain' and parked in the stony lay bye with a relief I would never have known was possible to feel. I sat in the late evenings gloaming and sighed a deep breathe of contentment. I felt I was home.

Castle Rigg is to my mind one of the few truly unspoilt stone circles in Britain. Set atop a rounded mountain, within an almost unbroken circle of higher peaks and in a way the valleys around the bottom of the central mountain remind me of an old castles moat...only miles wide. It is truly breathtakingly beautiful. The circle itself is completely open to the visitor both human and the thousands of sheep thereabouts and there are no sudden threats of tourist memorabilia or dreadful plastic cafes' it is as isolated now as it was centuries ago . A bastion of peaceful, reverential beauty and solace for those who care to visit its isolated splendour.

Well some of you know I have an 'alternate' path to my deity, some of you know I am as fearless and as foolhardy as the next Adventurer so it will come as no surprise to you that I wanted to walk up to the circle and 'go contemplate my navel!'. This I might add was in October, in the almost middle of the night, in an isolated countryside and three other cars parked in the lay bye, each with a solitary driver, male and as silent and withdrawn as myself. It was a crisp and cold evening and would soon become a deadly cold night.

The temperature at the top of a mountain can be unbelievably cold, at the time of the year it could and has on occasion proved deadly to the unwary traveller. I on the other hand have a deep respect for Mother Nature in all her moods and had come prepared. I wore my black snuggly boots, good thick black trousers, a warm black polo necked jumper, my thick black bubblecoat with false fur lined hood, thick black woolen gloves and I had one last layer to put on...and it was in the boot of the car! damnation would I never remember!!!

Why black (well it was a bit of a theme) black removes you in the night, cloaks you in shadow, hides you in the split silver/black of the countryside. No ambient human engineered light is in the country, just the moon and shadow.

It is wise, when not only small, female and not exactly 21 years old anymore, that you use all the defences available to you for protection. While I am fearless in approaching my goal, I am not stupid and I don't take risks that are unnecessary. I wanted to climb up to the circle, I had the right clothing, I would have my trusty (and very heavy, stout and good for using as a club.....if I wanted to play golf of course) walking stick and a handy aerosol of Ralgex in my pocket ( for sudden sprains naturally and not at all to spray in the face of any would be attacker...honest).

Also, as mentioned earlier there where three other residents in 'my' lay bye and I am not given to taking silly risks.

A women on her own, close to midnight, in an isolated area, should not ever risk herself, neither should a women in such circumstances, feel she has to limit her personal world 'just' because there are men about...but wise in old ways and aware in many personal experiences of mankind's duplicitous behaviours...I took 'steps'. One of my lay bye associates had turned his engine on, no doubt to warm his car interior. It meant his lights suddenly sprang on as he fiddled with dials and switches...his headlights perfect illuminated me as I stepped from my car and locked the doors. I walked sedately to the boot of my car and drew out my final weapon against so many things, my big black woolen cape, with its cavernous hood and swirling rust red silk lining. With practised aplomb I swirled it around my shoulders and shrugged the hood over my already raised coat hood and slammed the boot shut with a decisive click.

I was very aware at that moment that three males where looking intently at the figure I cut, I was also slightly amused when all three cars sprung into activity and drove rather quickly away.
I may have cut a dramatic figure in my full length cape, perhaps it was the fact I was dressed all in black ? maybe it was simply time for them to all go home...but leave they did and I began the journey to the top of the mountain with a much easier mind. I had no idea why they left (though of course i could imagine) I was simply grateful that they had gone. The moon, the mountain and the circle where now truly mine.

I crossed the slender road and walked through the hedges, dropping a small token into the collection box and began my climb. I knew it would take me longer than most people to get up the grassy hillside. I had been in a car crash well over a year previously and my ankle had 'set' at an odd angle making me limp, my back was a constant excruciating reminder of the event and so I accepted my slowness and took my time. I took small but determined steps, treading on frosted grass that glittered in silver and black spikes beneath my feet. A soft crushing sound erupting every now and again as my little feet took me higher up. My head firmly down as I watched for small pot holes and the inevitable sheep's dung that litters this field.

Only a few feet ahead of me now where the two major standing stones, the entrance to the circle itself and I raised my head for the first time to ensure I was on track. I gasped with the sheer beauty of the very stones themselves. The weather was obviously much colder than I could experience in my warm clothing. A thin film of ice had formed over the stones themselves, the beautiful grey and green and yellow blooms of lichen that had grown on the ancient grey stone had become frozen and filmed in this ice turning the stones into natures diamante, glistening and glittering in moonlight that beamed steadily onto the circle itself.

A necklace of ancient powers and history sang in the very image it gave. These stones had been here, in this place for thousands of years and I felt the weight of those years in the silence of the night. The atmosphere was expectant and exciting.

I felt most reverential as I entered that sacred space, finally I took a deep and relaxed breath and walked to the eastern part of the circle where the meeting stones (or if you prefer the sacrificial stone !) lay with its attendant seating stones.

No one knows the why of this circle, it is in the middle of nowhere, I did discover (if it was ever truly lost) a smaller circle a few hundred yards away, its placement and the way it is hidden suggests a Shaman circle for a drum moot...but I can't prove or disprove my theory to the satisfaction of a true historian. I stood in awe for a moment before I began my walk three times around the circle itself. I walked steadily and securely, knowing that not a soul would interrupt me now.

The Cumbrian people are a very respectful people. Whenever I have witnessed any celebrations at Castle Rigg, I have seen many catcalling tourists, some there because they wanted to 'see' some witchery or arcane practices...to no avail. True some people do have a 'ritual' of sorts on specific nights and it is true that they provide much entertainment both for visitors and themsleves. I have had some storming parties up at Gastle rigg, complete with visiting jugglers, troubadours and singing (if not nuns) acolytes.Occasionally an observance does clash with visitors being around, but not often. Though the Summer Solstice celebrations tend to be more of a three day party event it is true. Very enjoyable as well.

However the true people of faith in this place come when tourists are gone, when it is later in the night and fewer chances of such 'guests' and any unwary walker would simply walk away while those who live round about stay firmly either in the celebration or behind their own closed doors. Truly a live and let live attitude. I had no fear of interruption and I let my soul find its peace at last. I felt anticipatory , expectant but had no idea for what.

I completed my walk, amazed at the beauty of each stone, connecting with the shape, size and situation of each individual one, even now, after all these years I can practically feel the touch of my hand on the glistening fragile iced shining surfaces.I had taken my gloves off, the better to connect with the stones themselves, thin glacial ice melted beneath my touch as I began tying myself to its energy, its thousands of years of history, its presence here and now.

I stood back at the beginning and began my chant.:-
I am a practising Shaman , all Gods are one, all Goddess' are the perfect half of a perfect whole, all names simply (to me) indicating one of the myriad facets of the truth. To me and my kind, our ancestors are to be revered for the lessons they teach us of their survival, their mistakes and triumphs. Learning of our family history is of great importance and above all, when those we love go to the next realm it is important to remember them, to view them as they where and what they teach from their living and their demise.

I can see
Back to the beginning
I hear my forefathers
they call to me
they speak of our line
I am their blood
I listen
I answer
I see my Brother, I see my Father, I see my Grandfather, I see my Great Grandmother, I see my Aunt.

And so the litany goes on, tracing the loss of each of my families line in order of most recently lost, back to the beginning of my own birth. I spend time speaking with each of them, thanking them, remembering the lessons, the love the joy they gave me in my world. Perhaps mentally apologising for the pains we shared or caused but each one loved and each one remembered well.Often I use a drum to keep time but this night felt far too special for anything other than awareness of the silence, the beauty and the feel of the nights energies. A drum would have distracted. I paid attention to my ancestors and connected to their memories with love.

It is my honour to them.

Finally I am completed in my thoughts and turn to the contemplation of the source of all my faith 'The One' and it is then and only then I raise my eyes to the symbol of all that this means to me...the heavens themselves. I did this and was struck dumb, awed beyond all measure. I had been right to come here, this was the sole purpose of my journey. Not to do anything other than be, to become my own truth.

Above me, without a single ray of ambient light, surrounded by mountains whose now frosted summits where reflecting light to the direct centre of where I stood, in amazing clarity was The Glory.

If you have never seen this , then my poor words will only ever touch the hem of the gown of its display. For I have no true way of describing what The Glory is. In a way it is simply the stars above, the Milky Way, the planets and the myriad , multitudinous display of twinkling lights that have pierced the dark navy and velvet sky. Yet it is so much more than this. The wholeness of its display beggars belief. There is a silver luminosity, a shattering diamond effect of light, a glistening trail of light smoothed imagery and silence.

Not silence as in absence of noise, but silence as within the self, a shut up of all the senseless mental chatter. In the mind, awe, reverence and joy well up, spill into every corner of your soul. Your mind sings, not a song but one single note of joy, one single awe inspiring note of pure, undiluted blessing. Feelings of humbleness, humility, acceptance and oneness. Simply 'being' at one with the sight itself of The Glory.

Basically a 'beam me up Scotty' moment.

I stood bathed in the silvery reflections of the moonlight, reflected from the mountains, the circle itself glowed with so much light focused on it, my cape swirled around me as I spun round from East to South to West to North in a deosil manner as I greeted each 'corner' of the elemental universe in joyful anticipation. Surely this night I would die from Ecstasy. I felt so many different emotions and tears scored down my face with the sheer beauty of it all.

Shamans do not bow...to anyone. All men are equal, we may nod a head in respect, possibly if confronted with royalty I would curtsy..(I know) but to The One we have an abeyance that is total. I would not insult The One nor would I challenge anyone else's right to worship as they so wish. My Abeyance is formal and is the only time I would so prostrate myself. I knelt in both supplication and in reverence to my deities glorious benediction, to the sight, sound and feel of this universal energy and to the one truth in my heart. I was blessed.

When I left Castle Rigg, it was with extreme reluctance , I could literally have slept in that circle and felt nothing but joy. I had energy pouring off me, my cape had long since come undone, my gloves where in my pocket, my hoods down, my coat undone, I was hot and energised and above all exhilarated beyond belief. I finally made it to my car only to realise that local people had been stood quietly to one side of the circle awaiting my completion before they too went to the circles welcome. We nodded politely to each other and I crawled into my cars back seat, pulled the duvet over my head and slept dreaming of The Glory.

I never expected to see such a sight again....and I was wrong.

Last night, after spending sometime with the BF and meandering around on my computer I trotted off to my bed. Those of you familiar with my lifestyle know that my bed is placed underneath a large velux skylight and that I have fallen asleep to the sight of the stars and the mornings Sun for the last 6 months or so. I had been reading Terry Pratchetts' Thief of Time when the eyelids began to droop and I switched off the lights and snuggled down to sleep.

Restlessness decided to pay a short visit and I turned over and the view through my window struck me into silent, awed reverence. It was there, The Glory, I had been gifted a second sight of something truly amazingly beautiful

Stretched across the sky, every star blazed, the galaxy revealed in extremely fine detail, the seas luminosity reflected back the silver beams of the moon and the stillness had descended, that 'holding my breathe' feeling struck through me and tears streamed down my face. Above me, in silent benediction was the answer to so much heartache these past few weeks.

The Glory is for all, it is for everyone to see and to feel. Perhaps a little thoughtfulness is needed, maybe a sensation of oneness can be achieved by simply praying in whatever manner is suitable to each person...I have no way of knowing. I never believed I would ever see The Glory again. Last night I was shown that once touched, then it is never forgotten, can never be taken away, That connection, that benediction had been inside me all of this time. Now I know I carry The Glory within me and I feel a little closer to my deities will, a little more aware of my purpose and a whole lot more certain of my self's pathway.

I have been lost for a short while, my worries and concerns have been both material and familial...last night redirected my thoughts, clarified issues and blazed a trail in my mind I had forgotten to walk. The Spiral is a constant in Shamanism it is the pathway in and the pathway out of life and death as a cycle. It is also the symbol we use to describe or to encourage or to display or to engender a wholeness of the self. It is also The Milky Way.

What is inside you is worn on the outside of you because it is truly visible to those willing to see.

I have not forgotten my pathway but I have and do have times when I don't pay as much attention as I should. Material things get in the way, Familial things create worry patterns that distress....I shall try hard not to forget to raise my eyes again. Last night, by pure chance or divine will I was restless and turned and saw....no one will ever be able to tell me how many times The Glory has been there for me to access, to rely upon, to draw upon...and I missed it. I forgot to raise my sights, I forgot to appreciate what was above me...I will try not to forget again.


For every season there is a purpose under heaven.