I woke up yesterday with a huge smile on my face and felt so happy I took a picture of myself grinning like an idiot. WHY ? I haven't a clue which is why I took the picture...to remind me that there are some days when life perks up and makes you feel happy even when the world seems against you on all levels.
I had spent a pretty traumatic few days travelling (not my favourite pastime to be honest.) The car is falling to bits, my tax is due so is the M.O.T. and I haven't even made the rent yet and have to go back to St Helens next week and I was STILL smiling..what was going on ?
I am a practising psychic so the first thing I did was check out my aura...positively glowing. !!!!
I then checked out the defence systems in my home, some are very practical like locking the doors, some more esoteric like placing a light within me and the home that is a 'just try it buster' flag and some are simply having the right aromas and colours around me...nothing was different but everything was glowing like mad. Even my crystals (which needed a good cleansing) where glowing in my hand as if they had tiny LED's in side them...what was going on ?
Hadn't a clue.
I checked the date, had I missed some esoteric special day ? nope, it was a new moon and it was a particularly nice moon that got hidden by clouds but still there all shiny and new, sending out positive vibes for those who like that sort of connection...but it wasn't what was glowing in and around me.
I decided to sit out in the blazing sun on my balcony and read a particularly gruesome book called Death Du Jour and enjoyed the macabre twists and turns in the plot. At the back of my mind I worried away at why I felt so happy.
Then I began to laugh at myself. WHY is it such a problem to simply enjoy the day ? it seems that we humans are so suspicious these days, so used to the doom and the gloom that a simple nice sunny day, in your own home, after a good nights sleep is suspect. The why, how, what for syndrome of total suspicion. What would happen to spoil it, why was it inside my head...and worst of all...I didn't just accept gratefully that for the day I was actually happy after weeks of mental torment. Hallelujah !!!! I was happy why on earth hadn't I celebrated it immediately, why had I looked at myself with suspicion. I even checked I hadn't had a couple of Gins in my sleep !!! wow talk about paranoia.
Most of us go through the week with a dark view of what is next on the hit list of disasters. Whose going to screw our life up today, what is going to go wrong this time, when is the knock on the door that heralds hate/hurt/harassment going to happen. You only have to read your own 'home' on Face Book to realise how many people are screaming at the world and its torments. Someones kids have left the room untidy, someones had enough of life and can't be bothered, someones friends have stabbed them in the back, a boyfriend has cheated, a husband has left, a friend has turned into the 'other woman', a pet has died and we start to look for a status that will enjoin us to our friends. We don't write something cheery, happy, uplifting we write our sympathy to our friends (which is good) and then post a status that tells the world we are sad too or hurt, or fed up, or maybe getting drunk or stoned...but when was the last time you or I posted 'I am happy!' on Face Book or wrote a really happy e mail or letter ?
So yesterday I woke up happy and instead of thinking great this feels good and I am going to enjoy it....I questioned it, got antzy with myself, waited for the doom to land...why couldn't I just accept that for that one day I had left my cares in the box marked 'deal with it later' and sit out in the sun and thoroughly enjoy it....am I a killjoy? have I become so blase about life that I can't have a happy moment am I so dour and so sad...of course not but I am as suspicious and introspective and depressed as the next person and forgot how to be happy.
Today I woke up and staggered round the flat looking for caffeine, nicotine and protein in that order. I st at my computer determined to answer emails, sort out a few letters, answer my face book stuff and then clean up and go do some work to earn the rent......I wrote this instead.
Why ? well in part its a statement of sorts about how sad as a race we are that we don't celebrate our lives more positively. But mostly because as I sat down this huge great swell of emotions ran right through me...and I am happy again.. I haven't a clue why...but today I shall treasure the whole of it, I shall wrap it up warm inside me and let it feed my soul.
Join me...be happy about something even if its just the fact you read this and think I am a looney tunes...at least I am a happy one . If I could I would paint a great big smile on my living room wall...just to remind me. Yes we have bad times but we have good times too and in future i shall celebrate the good times with the same energy I devote to feeling miserable...maybe then I will find out how much happiness is around me and appreciate it more often.
Have a happy day...I am
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