Well that's me Nome De plume Spooks/Spookeee/Spooky Sue, and has been for the last twenty odd years in good old Clinkham Wood.
Why? because my friend Mandy Hudson has children who decided 'Sue's Spooky...all because I can talk to the dead ! Now is that ANY reason to call someone spooky ? haha of course it is.
I don't mind that I have such a nickname, not from 'my gang' in Clink' to the last one of them they have my name on their mobiles as 'Spooks'or'Spooky' and it is actually a compliment. Yup...believe it or not it is.
When I was a little girl I didn't understand what 'dead' actually meant. To me it was a name for the people who you could sometimes see and not see all in the blink of an eye. People who had the ability to come and talk to me in my bedroom when everyone else was asleep, occasionally those same people helped me through crisis as children often develop the said crisis BECAUSE everyone else is fast asleep.!
By the time I started school such things as 'dead' where no more clearer than before i started school, which was OK by me, I didn't really think about it, not until I was around 8 years old. Then a beloved Aunt passed to the dead zone and everyone was crying and she is telling me she is fine and doesn't need a wheelchair anymore and my sister is angry with me because I am not crying ! and I didn't understand the why of it. In the end my Auntie sort of explained that not everyone could see her and not to say anything so I shut up.
At 11 years and 11 months and two weeks of age my absolute , most loved Great Grandma in the world passed over at the grand age of 98 and I broke my heart. I couldn't 'see' her and I was so lost. Finally dead as a word had a meaning and I began to understand the upset, the hurt other people had been feeling throughout my young life. I shut off from it, hated the fact that I could no longer see my dead people and at the same time feared it all, what if something horrible showed me its face. I had been introduced to evil and the damned and the devil by religion, it peopled my once innocent understanding of 'dead' and i believe now that it was realisation of mankinds' cruelties and religion itself that combined to halt my seeing the way I had done as a younger child.
Puberty set in and alongside that came the outburst of horror movies the like of which I had never witnessed before. From the Exorcist to Steven Kings monstrously gruesome movies I now had a whole series of possible visitors from the 'next realm' and worked hard at NOT seeing.
Dead, imaginary or whatever else people think all this is...I didn't want to know.
Never the less a gift or a curse, whatever you feel it can be, is one you can't simply do away with. There is always the nagging feeling you have something to do, someone to talk to or someone to listen to. If that is being haunted? then I was haunted for a lot of years. Occasionally I would speak about it but...and here are other titles bestowed by a fearful peer group...you become the 'weird one' the 'strange one' the 'bit OTT' one and to a teenager that is anathema so you avoid it like the plague.
Eventually my seeing the dead re-emerged one night when I was totally alone. The vision of the person was of a member of my family, I understood at last what 'dead' meant and accepted i was seeing a real, honest, ghost. I was absolutely terrified. The LAST thing I wanted was to be haunted like they showed in films. The thoughts raced around my head, my fear burst from me in two words (spelled mostly with lots of 'f's in it) and the ghost literally disappeared before my eyes.
Since those days I have come to terms with not only seeing but hearing the dead. I can occasionally understand completely and sometimes it is more that I 'think' of symbols and translate what is being 'said'. Throughout the whole experience I am deaf.dumb and blind to anything else going on around me. I can't concentrate on anything other than what I have in my 'seeing eye' and I have an urgency within me that means the message or the words must be passed to whomever it is meant for otherwise the 'dead' don't leave me alone.
I have had many people pass comments on this aspect of my life. I have been told by Christians I am the Devils Daughter and that it is The Devils Works. I have been told by Sufi that I am gifted and a messenger of The Gods, Pagans accept without question that I am an intermediary and access this part of my being with warmth and genuine humility. Other religions are equally accepting. Only within the Christian faith have I found condemnation and sometimes outright abuse. I have, in fact, been spit (literally) upon by some damned fine Christians in the past.
Has any of the fine words or crude acts altered that i speak/hear and see the dead?....not one jot.
My own Father appeared at daft -o-clock in the morning and I actually opened one eye, glared and said 'oh not now Dad' and fell back asleep...now that was silly, I love my Dad to bits...hope he returns and speaks to me again one day. I have seen many of the dead and not once have I seen them in a state of gruesome awful death or rotting. Sometimes I am shown how they 'used' to look on this earth plane and then a small shimmer of light and I see them transposed to a different age, a smarter appearance a more wholesome look and always smiling, always contented.
Expressions of terror or fear have never been there, simply peaceful and genuinely happy people with none of our worries or fears in there communications.
In answer to the unspoken questions I can almost hear...yes I believe in a soul being reborn, I think energy (by whatever format) does not die in itself, rather like the butterfly emerging, the caterpillar is dead by definition, IE: no longer exists, its shell or corpse is there, physically visible. What comes from it is a butterfly a beautiful creature . Perhaps the Caterpillar symbolises us, the fleshly being and the butterfly perhaps can be the symbol of our soul, our dead self. I think this transmutation is possible from dead to live through re introducing the etheric self to a new body.
I have several times in my life seen young babies and children around possible mothers, on occasion I have seen a 'lost' child, a child here on this plane who has passed to that next realm too soon and every one of them has been doing exactly the same thing...loving their mothers and saying sweetly 'make me a body Mum...go on...I want to come and stay this time. Sometimes the woman is too old to give birth herself and by hook or by crook that child will come back into the family, grandchild, favoured and beloved niece or nephew. It has comforted me many times to see this, and given comfort many times too. Though I am not a deity, I cannot always see. Only when it is right for me to do so.
Because I have seen the dead all my life, I do not find it weird, strange or anything else peculiar, certainly it is not spooky to me. Instead I have a joyful acknowledgment that after this life, there is something else, another journey to make. Another adventure. The Last truly Great Adventure any of us may take.
Naturally, as a Mother I have no wish to see my own family take this adventure too soon. Yet as a person who is 'spooky' and sees the dead I can say without fear of any contradiction it is not death that is the enemy, it is the manner of it yes, but not the end of this physical world because it is simply a door that opens to another era, another 'room' in the Universe.
Am I ashamed/upset/embarrassed by being known as 'Spooks' not at all.
Spooky Sue is an affectionate name , given by a child and it stuck...but then children see far more than their parents ever truly understand. So from me Spooky Sue to Craig, Shaun and Cassy Thanks kids I rather like being Spooky :)
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