New Beginnings

Sometimes we have to 'start all over again'. I find myself in that unenviable position today.

Last week was Heaven/Hell and a bit of Hospital thrown in for good measure. This week its all phone calls, negotiation and hopes. All I truly understand is that if I follow my beliefs, to their logical conclusion, then I have to accept that 'there is a plan!'. I might not know its course, I will probably never understand it, and all I have to offer it is pure faith.

If (as I suspect) I will have to work exceptionally hard as well.....then all will be right with my world and I will have the hopes fulfilled, the negotiations satisfactorily settled and the phone calls will come in droves....that's it...faith fulfilled.

I do try in my world to be a faithful person. I am not for example someone who would have an affair behind someones back, nor would I tell a lie deliberately. I try to be not only an honest person but someone who 'puts my money where my mouth is'. That can be uncomfortable sometimes and occasionally I find myself (as I am this week) in a bit of a muddle because I have held to my principles. Of course there is always a consequence to ones own actions and if you are prepared for that, then that's fine. I on the other hand, being someone with the organisational skills of a gnat...am never prepared. Hence all I have is faith.

Ah well, I shall wait upon the will of heaven and Keep the Faith. One way or another, I will be proven right or wrong and it won't take that much time for it to all come around.

Faith is, indefinable, it has no parameters, no boundaries of any kind,. Moving mountains seems a doddle when you put faith in the equation...first pick up your shovel...no shovel? use your hands...its a beginning....well my life is a mountain. I have huge great mounds of memories, thoughts, contemplations, hopes, dreams and ambitions. I have feelings by the bucket load and a plethora of mixed responses, rationalities and irrationalities all for the use of. They make a mountain of their own...and I am moving it.

When faith is all you have it seems a little odd, a little strange to have only that one direct and uncontrollable belief in the self, in the will of heaven (however you define your deities will) and so forth. Yet faith is, in itself the first ingredient in any action in life. Whether your baking a cake (and the faith it will rise in the oven despite not knowing the right temperature to cook it !) or faith in the fact that 'everything will turn out for the best'. The thing is..... there is no proof. Only the faith and in that single act of trusting to the will of the powers that be...you become a child again.

Well I feel like I am five years old and I lost my Mum in the supermarket...I have no one to hold my hand, no reassuring smiling face to tell me there is no such thing as a bogeyman and my heart is pounding like the devils own drum...so all I can do...is have faith.

I genuinely did get lost in a supermarket (well the equivalent of one :) ) and all I had then at the grand old age of 5 was faith my Mum would find me. That's the principle I am applying now....Someone will find me, fix things and protect me.....so I keep the faith.